


For the Glory of God

by Tshilaba



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Catholic School, Gen, Religion, Religious Stereotypes, Self-Harm, rebellious teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 18:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5175989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If we are all born how God intended, then how do we somehow become "tainted" when we live in the light?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun coming through the stained glass was beginning to make her sleepy, but she struggled not to yawn as her father droned on in the pulpit. It was so infuriatingly boring that it almost made her want to break the stained glass just to feel something. Oh, right. She glared at the sleeves of her sweater, where the scars were hidden underneath. That was the entire reason she was here to begin with, instead of studying the bible with the other girls like the good little Christian girl.

She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to swallow her anger. They spent her entire life telling her she was made exactly how God intended. So why was she wrong now?

She felt her lower stomach cramping and bit back her frustration. Today was hell.

* * *

"I cannot believe you," her father said irritably.

She'd been dragged into his office after the sermon. He'd been yelling for at least an hour.

"That body belongs to God."

"Oh, yes," she snapped finally. "How dare I have feelings of my own and a need to express them."

He slapped her across the face and she stumbled a bit in shock. She'd been spanked a few times, being a headstrong and precocious child, but neither of her parents had ever struck her. "Don't you dare take that tone with me young lady."

She rubbed her cheek, more angry than hurt. "Would you allow it if I was a boy?" she said unthinkingly. "Women are too stupid to understand, after all." She heard her mother gasp and half expected to be hit again.

Her father didn't, however. Instead, he said quietly "Robin, you were born exactly how God--"

"I know," she said, interrupting him. "I'm born exactly how God wants me to be. Women are supposed to listen to men and keep their mouths shut. Kind of hard when everyone is an idiot."

"Robin!" her mother cried, but her father held up a hand. "But, Validar..."

"No, Charlotte," he said. "She can just go to St. Mario's."

"What? But that's an all girls school!" Robin cried. "And it's a private school! You always said you didn't have the money!"

"It's worth it if it brings you back to God."

* * *

She had never been more furious in her life. She flung her bag across the room and slid down to the floor.

How was she going to tell her friends? What was she going to do without her friends?

"I hate this," she muttered aloud, glaring at her hands. She had to force them to unclench, where her nails left angry red crescents on her palms. "I hate all of this..."

Her life was painful and she dealt with it the only way she could. She knew she couldn't tell her parents that she didn't always feel like a girl. The one time she'd said a girl was cute her mother had smacked her upside the head and given her a lecture about how she was a vessel for God and should only have thoughts befitting such.

Emmeryn had always been kind to her though. Even when she had shown the older girl her cuts, Emmeryn had never judged her for it; she knew Robin was in a place where she was slowly cracking.

And Robin was grateful she also knew that telling her parents would only make it worse.

Ironic how that was where she ended up anyway.

* * *

The next morning, her mother came in once and told her to pack.

 _They must have planned this for a while_ , she thought bitterly.

They'd only found her cutting the previous morning. There was no way they could have registered her so quickly.

She wouldn't get to tell her friends goodbye.

She sighed and packed her bags, loading them into the car. _Out of the frying pan and into the fire, I suppose._

* * *

They didn't talk to her the entire ride. Her mother walked her inside, but they went only as far as the office, where her mother exchanged a few words with someone she called "Mother Superior", a woman who kept glancing up at Robin in a way that made Robin feel like she was some sort of filthy street urchin.

"Very well, Miss Truss," the old woman said, getting to her feet. "Follow me."

"Yes, ma'am."

Her mother didn't follow.

"Now," Mother Superior said as she led Robin to a staircase, heading up it. "There will be no cursing while you are here."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You are to attend Mass in addition to your classes."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You will be sized for your uniforms tomorrow afternoon. Until you receive them you are to wear appropriate attire."

"How short?"

"I beg your pardon?" the nun said, pausing and turning to her.

"How short can my skirts be?"

"An _appropriate_ length."

"Which is?"

"Oh, you are a stubborn child," the woman huffed before continuing down the hall to stop before a door. "You will room with Miss Juritz. I'm loath to do so, since heaven knows I don't need more trouble, but she's the only one without a roommate."

The door opened to reveal a girl with dark hair hanging down almost to her waist, bent over a book on her desk, her cheek propped up on her palm. Robin would have called her beautiful...if in a bewitching and almost eerie way. Grey-blue eyes looked up from under her bangs. "Hello, Mother Superior," she said quietly. "Who's the new girl?"

"She's your roommate. Don't blow anything up."

Robin watched her as she walked off and crinkled her nose in disgust.

"Wrinkled old bat," the girl muttered darkly. "Well, come in."

She shut the door behind herself.

"You can have that bed," the girl said, pointing to the bed against the window. When Robin nodded and set her bags down, before sitting down on the edge of the mattress, she went on. "My name's Tharja. What's yours?"

"Robin."

"Ah..." Tharja turned around in her chair, leaning her elbows against the back of the chair, her legs splayed out in a most decidedly unladylike fashion. "So what're you here for?"

"Not being a good little Christian girl."

Tharja snorted. "Amazing."

"And what about you?" Robin said defensively. "Sacrifice the family cat for a Satanic ritual?"

Tharja's expression darkened and Robin almost regretted her words before she said "You're half right."

"Pardon?"

"I am a witch. But I don't worship the Christian devil."

"...Okay then. Now I'm a little scared."

Tharja laughed. "I have no reason to hurt you--You'd have to really piss me off to make me want to disregard the rule of three."

"You're not supposed to swear."

"Psh." She got up and walked to the closet, shifting some hangers over. "I'll tell you this, Robin. Your parents made the biggest mistake of their lives sending you here. The nuns don't give a fuck what you do unless you interrupt them."

"But Mother Superior said--"

Tharja turned around and crossed her arms over her chest, a smirk pulling at her lips. "Like I said. If you don't interrupt them."


	2. Chapter 2

“So...let me get this straight.”

“I'm listening.”

Robin adjusted her bag on her shoulder. They were walking to class the next morning; her hair was a mess and it was slowly getting on her nerves. It was partially her fault. Tharja had had the decency to make sure she was up in time for class. The only problem was that the other girl had literally had to fight to get her out of the bed, dragging them both to the floor.

There was still a red mark on her check from where Robin had elbowed her.

She wouldn't say it, but she was very, _very_ grateful the girl didn't hate her already. Though she was avoiding looking at her. “We can basically do whatever we want when we're not in class or mass?”

“Keep your voice down,” Tharja snapped.

“Sorry.”

“Just reminding you. But yeah. Pretty much.”

That was a phrase Robin had noticed the dark-haired girl really enjoyed using. “Then why did--”

“Because I hate Mother Superior and she hates me.”

“Pardon?”

Tharja rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh. “That's the reason she considers me a troublemaker. That, and the fact that I refuse to give up my craft.”

“You do that _here_?”

“Goddammit, can't you keep your voice down?” she hissed angrily. “Yes, I do. Not that it's really any of your concern. What? Are you going to tell her now?”

“N-no, I just...”

“Not like she could or would stop me anyway. It's this way,” she went on, turning down a hall to her right. “Come on. We're already late.”

“Sorry...”

“Oh for the love of—stop apologizing!”

Robin cringed and watched as Tharja's pace increased slightly, trying to keep up with her she did the same. After a few minutes of silence, she said “Would you be willing to show me?”

The raven stopped suddenly and Robin almost crashed into her. “What?”

“I said would you be willing to show me.”

“...show you what, exactly?” Tharja's voice was quiet, much quieter than Robin had ever heard.

“Show me what you do. Your...craft, did you call it?”

Tharja didn't move. She was silent for a few minutes, but to Robin it felt like forever. Finally, she said “You actually want to know?”

"I'm curious, yes.”

“Just last night, you said you were scared of me.”

“Lack of knowledge only breeds fear, I've always believed that,” Robin said. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don't, right?"

Tharja snorted before she said “Fine. We'll talk more tonight. We need to get to class before Mother Superior puts us on cleaning duty. And trust me when I say you do _not_ want that.”

Robin couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

When they returned to their room later, Tharja slung her bag onto her bed and shoved the chair away from her desk.

“Um...what the heck are you doing?”

“You wanted me to show you what I do,” the girl huffed, grabbing one end of the desk and beginning to tug on it. “So obviously that's what I'm doing. Gods, are you always this dense?”

Robin hurried to help her pull the desk away from the wall. “I didn't realize you kept it hidden in the wall.”

The raven rolled her eyes, slinging her hair over her shoulder as she pulled one of the boards away from the wall and set it on the floor, before kneeling down and reaching into the hole in the wall and rummaging around for a bit.

“How are you not scared a rat's going to bite your finger off? Or a spider?”

“Spiders can't bite fingers off.” She paused. “Well, unless they're tarantulas or _Phoneutria_ _nigriventer_.”

“What the actual _fuck_ is that?”

“The spiders that sometimes end up in banana shipments. Or, one of the genus, at least. Most venomous spider in the world. That particular species tends to seek out dark places near human dwellings.” She tapped her knuckles on the wall once. “But they're not here. The most we get is those tiny little insect chompers.”

“...do I even want to know why you know so much about spiders?”

Tharja shrugged. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.” She pulled a bag out of the wall and reached in to dig around some more before pulling out a latched box. She set it on the floor in front of her. “Go under my mattress and hand me the key you find there.”

“Okay.” She crossed the room and pushed the mattress aside like she was told, pulling out the single key on a cord. “Here.”

Tharja took it from her and unlocked the box, opening it. She took a bottle out and held it out to the brunette. “What do you think this is?”

“...do I want to know?”

Tharja rolled her eyes.

Robin sat down on the floor nearby. “I'm not sure, though. I mean, my childhood tells me 'something gross and dangerous'. But at the same time, I'm really curious.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Perhaps. But I'd rather die because I chose to do something than die because I ran from it.”

“Hn.” She shook the bottle, making the liquid slosh around. “What do you think it is?”

“Please tell me it's not urine.”

She laughed. “Are you kidding me? I wouldn't keep urine in a bottle in a box.”

“But it's yellow.”

“Robin, there are plenty of yellow liquids in the world.”

“Yes, and most if not all have expiration dates.”

“This is angelica tea. I brewed it yesterday. I needed a dose before my cycle. I have the leaves as well.” She motioned to the bag. “I keep them with my grimoire.”

“Wait, your cycle?” Robin tilted her head to the side in confusion. “You mean your period?”

“Yes.” She set the bottle on the desk. “Angelica is useful for menstrual cramps. It can also be used for digestive issues.” She looked at Robin. “You're a Virgo, aren't you?”

“How did you--”

“I'll show you how to brew it.”

“But Tharja--” She'd gone back to sifting through the box's contents, but looked up when Robin spoke. “How did you know I was a Virgo?”

“Heh. It's in your face.” She pulled out a small drawstring pouch and set it on the floor. “Don't touch that,” she said, before leaning over to pull the bag into her lap and digging though it.

“Okay.”

“Funny...”

“I'm sorry, but what's funny?”

“Usually when I use my 'bitch voice' people complain or call me rude.”

“It's your stuff. I'm only gonna touch it if you tell me to.”

“Good. You're better than most homo sapiens I've met in my life.”

“I also don't think your voice sounded bitchy...”

Tharja snorted. “That's my tarot deck. The only reason I said not to touch it is because it's often difficult to deal with when it's been muddled with other energies.” She continued moving things in her bag.

“Wait, energies?”

She sighed and stopped, looking up at the brunette. “Tell me something. You were raised Catholic, yes?”

“Mhmm.”

“Have you ever heard a religious person speak of “feeling the spirit of God”?”

“Occasionally, I suppose. I never felt it though.”

“Mm. Have you ever walked into a room and felt an emotion other than your own? Perhaps it was very strong? Or weak?”

“Maybe a few times. I always thought I was crazy though.”

She snorted. “You're not crazy. Though, you're not as sensitive as I am. But yes, that is what I meant by energy. Every living thing has energy. Even non-living things like crystals do. And some energies don't always agree with each other.”

“Like how some people don't always agree with each other?”

“Exactly like that.”

“Ah... If you don't mind my asking—uh, well...”

“You want a reading?”

“Is that what they're called?”

Tharja shook her head, but there was a small, amused smile on her face. “I suppose I could do one. Though, I'm not exactly in the practice of doing anything but personal ones.”

“Thank you.”

“Mm.” She pulled the book into her lap. “Come here. Let me show you something.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Robin, wake up.”

“Nngh...” She opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. “It's 3:25. Why the hell are you getting me up? Isn't it Saturday?”

“Just get up.” She'd walked away from the bed to her dresser, sifting through the contents of a drawer. “Please,” she added after a moment.

Robin sat up, rubbing her eye tiredly with the heel of her hand. “What's wrong?”

“Anna just came by. Ah, here it is.” She pulled a music player out of the drawer and stuck it in her bag.

“Anna? Isn't she that red head down in the St. Jane Frances de Chantal dorm?” Robin asked, still trying to think through the fog in her brain.

“Yes, but she came down here. Hurry up and get dressed.”

“Tharja, tell me what's going on.”

Tharja sighed and set her bag down on her bed. “It's Tiki.”

“Tiki?” Tharja had told her about Tiki a few times. The girl had apparently been at the school since she was a young girl. But she'd never seen her. “What's wrong?”

“Anna didn't know. She just felt it would be best if I came.”

“But wouldn't it be better to tell one of the sisters that she's not feeling well?”

Tharja snorted bitterly, slinging the bag over her shoulders. “Like hell they'd do anything. Come on. Don't worry about getting dressed. We've wasted too much time as it is.”

Robin sighed and followed her friend out the room and down the hall. They walked in silence for a while before Tharja threw out an arm, catching Robin in the stomach. “Ow! What was--”

“Shh.”

One of the nuns passed by the hallway they were in, seemingly unaware of their presence.

Tharja leaned around the corner, watching for a few more minutes. “Give me your hand,” she said, reaching behind her.

“What?”

“It'll be easier if we communicate non-verbally. Because if we get caught--”

Robin nodded, taking her hand and letting Tharja lead her the rest of the way to the dorm.

Tharja knocked on the door. “Anna? It's me and Robin.”

“Coming,” a hushed voice replied. The lock clicked and the door opened to reveal a girl with very disheveled flaming red hair hanging into her copper eyes. “Wish we could be meeting under better circumstances, Robin,” she said, shutting the door behind them as they walked inside.

Robin nodded as Tharja let go of her hand and crossed the room, pulling a chair over beside the bed occupied by a girl with pale green hair that hung down to her waist in messy waves.

“Here, make yourself at home,” Anna said, motioning around as she went and sat on her own bed, letting Robin settle uncomfortably into the remaining desk chair.

“Tiki?” Tharja said quietly. “It's me, Tharja.” When the girl didn't respond, she rummaged through her bag and said “Here, I brought music.” She held out the music player.

Tiki's eyes flicked to the device for a moment before she took it, pulling away to lean back against the wall as she slipped the earbuds into her ears.

Tharja nodded. “Well, that solves that problem.” She went back to the contents of her bag, pulling out a small ziploc bag with herbs. “This should last a few days and pull her out of this slump.” She held the bag out to Anna, who got up and took it from her with a nod.

“I'll make some now,” she said, walking over to the desk and pulling open a drawer to take a few things before walking to the bathroom.

“Robin, come here.”

“Uh...okay,” Robin replied, scooting the chair next to Tharja.

“I didn't think you wanted to be sitting over there all by yourself.”

“Mm.”

“Here it is,” Anna said, coming back into the room a few minutes later, holding a cup of tea. She slipped onto the bed beside Tiki, holding it out and gently touching the girl's hand. “Tiki?”

She glanced up and took the cup from her wordlessly, taking a sip.

Anna looked back to Tharja and Robin, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You guys should get back to your room. St. Mary of Magdalene is all the way on the other side.”

“It's okay. We'll be fine, Anna. You're not the only one that knows how to move right under the sisters' noses,” Tharja replied with a smirk.

Anna laughed quietly. “Yeah, I suppose. I'd just hate to see you guys get in trouble. Cleaning duty sucks ass.”

“It does. All right.” Tharja rose to her feet. “Just bring the music player back when she's better, okay?” She pulled a pack of batteries out of her bag and tossed them to the red head. “See you later, Anna. Come on, Robin.”

“'Kay.”

* * *

After they had settled back into their beds, and Tharja had long since rolled away to the wall, Robin called out to her quietly.

“What is it?” Tharja replied.

“Is Tiki going to be all right?”

“Of course she will. The tea helps ease depression symptoms.”

“Why don't they just give her medication?”

“Why did your parents send you here when they found you cutting?”

“How did you--”

“I'm not stupid, you know. I saw the scars on your arms.”

Robin instinctively pulled her arms to her chest. “I...well, I just...”

Tharja sat up, the bed creaking quietly. “That's the thing about Catholics, at least, that I've found,” she said, and there was an almost biting tone to her voice. “They believe everything, absolutely _everything_ , can be treated by God. And if it can't? Oh, well, “that's what the good Lord wanted”. That's _bullshit_.”

Robin swallowed around the lump she hadn't realized had been rising in her throat as she pushed herself up. “Tharja, I...”

“I know you're different,” she went on, the venom leaving her voice. “Your religion doesn't affect how I feel about you, because you at least try to understand other points of view.”

Robin shook her head. That wasn't exactly what she'd wanted to say. “What happened to Tiki?” That wasn't it either, honestly. But it would have to due. This wasn't the time to be dwelling on her own personal history.

Tharja sighed, gripping the edge of the mattress in her hands as her legs hung over the side. “No one really knows, to be honest. Most of us wound up here after she did. Her cousin Nowi showed up a few weeks after I came. But, from what I've heard, their whole family was a bunch of druggies. Tiki's mother, Naga, wasn't really as bad. I don't think. I could be wrong. No one seems to be able to get that fact straight. The sisters say Naga was a well-respected woman. But that doesn't explain why...”

“You said she had depression, right? Maybe it came from that?”

“I don't know. Either way, no one claimed her. Naga disappeared years ago. And ever since I've known her, Tiki's just had days where she just...shuts down completely, just staring into space as if she's not even there anymore. Anna and Say'ri had no clue what to do about it. But I found she liked music, so usually I let her borrow my music player. It seems to help about as much as the tea does.”

“So that's why Anna came to get you.”

Tharja nodded. “I don't mind risking trouble, if it's for someone I care about.”

“People think so little of you, don't they?”

“What?” Tharja looked at her in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“It's just... Mother Superior hates you just because you're a witch. You were sent here because you were a witch. And other than Tiki and Anna, most of the girls completely avoid you like you're going to hack them up in their sleep or something. But, from what I've seen, you're really...sweet. Under that crabby exterior, that is.”

Tharja flushed in embarrassment and ducked her head.

Robin smiled. _I knew it. She doesn't do it for the returned attention. She only does it because she truly wants them to be happy. That's just like Emm..._ Her face fell as she remembered her friend's older sister. She'd almost completely forgotten about her time in that neighborhood in the weeks she'd spent with Tharja...

“Robin?”

She barely registered the concern into Tharja's voice until she felt a tear splash onto her hands clenched in her lap. It wasn't until the girl was just a few inches from her that she broke down completely.

Tharja gasped as Robin collapsed against her, sobbing. “Robin, I--” She wrapped her arms around the brunette tentatively, stroking her hair gently. “It's okay,” she murmured.

“Y-you never asked, but t-the whole time...”

“The whole time what?”

Robin pushed away, trying to dry her eyes only to have Tharja reach up gently and dry them with the sleeve of her shirt. “How could you not judge me? I mean...even that creed of yours says not to harm anyone, and yet...”

“Robin...” She took her hands gently in her own. “I would never think less of you because of this. All right? It was a cry for help that your parents ignored. I'm not your parents. And I swear, you can always talk to me when you feel like your world is falling apart."

Robin bit her lip nervously as she sniffled. “How do you always know?”

“Magic,” Tharja said, grinning. She tucked a strand of hair behind Robin's ear gently. “But seriously, does it really matter how I know?”

Robin shook her head. “No, I guess not. But thank you, Tharja. I really appreciate it.”

“You're welcome, Robin.”


	4. Chapter 4

She could feel her eyelids getting heavy and had already nearly faceplanted into her book twice. But she had to finish her Latin essay...

No, sleep won out as her head finally stayed on the desk as she passed out completely.

Tharja was swearing under her breath as she kicked the door to their room shut behind her and slung her bag onto her bed. “Stupid bitch. I swear, she does that just to piss me off...” She trailed off as her eyes settled on her roommate, collapsed across the desk. “Gods...” She sighed and shook her head, moving to straighten up the papers. “Robin,” she said, gently shaking the girl's shoulders. “You need to sleep in your bed.”

“...nngh...gotta do...the essay...” Robin mumbled.

“Like hell. Don't make me carry you there.”

The brunette sighed and pushed herself to her feet, stumbling over to her bed and collapsing on it.

Tharja thumbed through the papers on the desk. “I thought she did that essay last week...” she muttered. It wouldn't have surprised her if one of the sisters had dumped another essay onto her friend just to be spiteful. They knew Robin was a genius that would push herself beyond her limits to finish work on time, and they exploited the hell out of it. The amount of random pointless chores had dropped drastically since Robin started rooming with her. But at the cost of Robin's health... She glanced at her friend and sighed before setting the notes down and grabbing her own Latin work and sitting down.

She didn't care if she got indefinite kitchen duty. Robin needed sleep, and there was little chance of that happening with an asinine essay looming over her.

* * *

“...ngh...” Robin pushed herself onto her elbows and stared blearily around the room. She noticed the lamp on her desk was on. “Tharja...?”

“Mm?” The raven was bent over some papers on the desk.

“What are you doing?”

Tharja sighed softly, setting the pencil down. “I was letting you sleep.”

“You're not doing my essay, are you?” She was still exhausted, but she stumbled over to the desk. “Tharja, I need to be doing that myself. Mother Superior—mmph!” She was cut off as Tharja's hand covered her mouth.

“You need sleep,” Tharja said evenly. “I was letting you sleep. Don't worry about this. A lot of Great Grandmother's spells were in Latin. This is child's play.”

“Bu...”

“Sleep,” Tharja said firmly, pushing the brunette back to her bed. “It's about 2 in the morning. Just sleep.”

Robin tried to protest, but a lion-like yawn escaped her, giving Tharja the opportunity to push her the rest of the way over to her bed. She groaned as her face hit her pillow and laid there for a few minutes as she heard Tharja resume writing. Eventually she rolled over, watching the raven. Sleep tried to over take her once more, but she managed to fight it off, at least temporarily. “Tharja?” she said quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I...I can't sleep....”

Tharja paused and looked at her for a moment. “You're tired.”

“It's...it's not that I'm not...” Robin mumbled, feeling her arms slip around herself of their own accord. “I'm exhausted, I just...”

Tharja sighed. “Let me finish this essay. Then I'll help you.”

“Okay...” Robin closed her eyes and tried to relax, but the scenes from her nightmare flashed through her mind again. There was that feeling...nagging at her again...even when she was in the same room... She pushed herself to her feet again, before walking to Tharja and looping her arms around her shoulders from behind. She buried her face against her friend's shoulder. “Why?” she mumbled after a few minutes.

“Because I know you would push yourself to exhaustion and keep working even past that.”

“That's not...never mind.”

“Robin...” She sighed heavily and set the pencil down before taking Robin's hands in her own, moving her from her shoulders as she turned around. She touched her cheek gently. “You're still thinking about our conversation the other night.”

Robin looked away. She always saw right through her. She didn't understand it, but she couldn't say she disliked it either... “That...and a lot of other things...”

“Okay. You know what? Forget about the essay right now.” Tharja took her hands and led her to the bed where they sat down next to each other. “Tell me what's bothering you.”

She stared down at where Tharja still hadn't pulled her hands away and sighed softly. “It's...complicated...”

Tharja sighed. She could feel Robin's hands trembling ever so slightly in her own, but the way she kept refusing to meet her eyes almost made her worried she was pushing too hard. “If you don't want to...”

“No!” Robin looked terrified she'd spoken so harshly, eyes wide. “No...it's...I want to...” she said, quieter. “I just...” She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “...I don't want you to hate me...”

“I could never hate you, Robin,” Tharja said softly. _Not when I love you so very much..._ She wanted to say that as well. But it wasn't the time. It probably never would be. But that was okay by her, so long as she could keep Robin safe and happy while she had her around. “Say whatever you need to get off your chest, all right?”

Robin nodded slightly. “The other night,” she began slowly, “when you had to help Tiki, I...”

“I noticed you were acting odd,” Tharja said. “But I didn't want to pry, so I didn't ask.”

“Yeah...sorry...I don't usually think about my parents, but...” She sighed softly. “I haven't wanted to cut since I met you.”

“Really?” Tharja was honestly surprised to hear it, but happy nonetheless.

Dammit. I keep saying everything but what I want to,” Robin muttered, more to herself than to Tharja, but the raven couldn't help but chuckle softly.

“As long as you get it out eventually, I think we'll be fine.”

Robin shook her head like she was clearing it. “No, I...You deserve to know. You've done so much for me since I came here. You...you mean so much to me...”

She was staring straight at her then, and Tharja couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. She couldn't be saying what she thought she was saying.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't be saying that.” She sighed again. “But it's said now, so I'll just have to live with it. Tharja, when you said my parents didn't care when they found me cutting, do you realize how right you were?”

“I'm hoping not as right as I think I was.”

“...yeah.” She looked away again, down at their hands. “When my mother came into the bathroom, the first words that came from her mouth had absolutely nothing to do with me. “What will the church say when they see that their pastor's been burdened with such a disgrace?”.” Her voice trembled slightly, seeming to stick in her throat. “I had blood running down my arms, staining the t-shirt and pajama pants I was wearing, and all she cared about was how the church would see them. I...I could have died! And she didn't even fucking care!”

“Oh, Robin...”

“And it wasn't even because I had so much work for school. Do you know what fucked up reason I had for trying to die that morning?”

Tharja bit her lip, trying hard to resist the urge to hold Robin's hands tighter in a vain attempt to remind her she was there.

“It was because I knew I was going to hell anyway,” Robin said angrily. “She'd already said that was what would happen if I let any of those thoughts into my brain. But I couldn't help it. It's not my fault she was pretty...”

“I'm afraid I don't follow...”

“Premarital sex is a sin. Sex for the purpose of anything but procreation is a sin. Any love besides that between a man and a woman is a sin. Lust is a sin. All of these were things they drilled into me ever since I was old enough to read.”

Tharja snorted quietly. “They sound like the type to believe that fun is going to having you shacking up with Satan himself.”

“I was lucky I considered reading an enjoyable pass time,” Robin said flatly. “God forbid I want to do “boy” things.”

“Robin...”

“I know it's stupid to complain about things. I know there are tons of people who have it so much worse than I ever did, but...

Tharja took Robin's face gently in her hands. “Robin, look at me.” When she complied, she spoke gently. “Your feelings are your own. If your past bothers you, then it bothers you, and no one can tell you any different. But please remember that it's passed now. It's only a memory. And...” She paused for a moment, trying to gauge her friend's reaction. “I'm always here to help pick you up when you fall, okay?”

“Oh, Tharja...” Robin sniffled. “I'm so going to hell...”

“Better than being stuck with pretentious assholes, right?” she asked as she pulled her hands away.

“Maybe... Tharja, I... I need to tell you something.”

“What?”

Robin looked away again, chewing her lip anxiously. “That...wasn't the only time I had feelings for a girl...and they were nowhere near as strong as they are now...”

“Oh?” She tilted her head slightly to the side in curiosity. “My little robin has a crush? Do tell. I'd love to hook you up. Is it Anna? I know she can be a bit money hungry, but she's got a good heart. Oh! Is it Tiki?” She couldn't remember exactly when she'd dubbed her her “little robin”, but Robin had never complained about it or seemed bothered, so it had become just something that they did. Especially when Tharja was trying to be playful, or at least as playful as she could manage.

“No, it's not--”

“Say'ri then? She is very loyal, I can understand why--”

“Stop!” Robin cried, tackling her and knocking her backwards onto the mattress. Her face tinted pink, matching the heat rising in Tharja's own cheeks, as it dawned on them how compromising a position she'd just landed them in. She scrambled backwards, apologizing frantically.

“I-it's okay,” Tharja managed, looking away and trying to make her heart slow down. She pushed herself up onto her elbows. “What were you trying to say?”

“I...” It seemed as if Robin's face was trying to turn even darker than it had been when they were only inches away from each other, so close Tharja could feel her breath. She buried her face in her hands with a whimper.

“Robin...” Tharja reached out to touch her shoulder gently.

“I like you, okay?!” Robin burst out as she yanked her hands away from her now-beet red face. “As more than a friend...”

Tharja blinked. “You...like me?”

“I know you probably think that's weird or something, or don't feel the same but...”

She laughed. She couldn't help herself, even as Robin stared at her in disbelief. “Sorry, it's just... I've been trying to tell myself to ignore the exact same thing. I didn't want to freak you out.”

“Why would you freak me out...”

“Why would you think I would think it's weird?”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Robin's mouth. “I guess you're right.”

“Dork,” Tharja said, flicking her nose playfully. “Ack!” She let out a surprised squeak as Robin tackled her onto the bed again, this time with her face buried against her chest. “What was that for?”

Robin looked up, her cheeks still flushed pink, but a huge, stupid grin on her face. “I'm your dork. Don't I get special privileges?”

Tharja rolled her eyes. What had she just gotten herself into?

* * *

After her confession, it seemed as if Robin had lost whatever inhibition had been forcing her to bottle everything up. Every night she had a nightmare, she simply crawled into bed with Tharja. She said being close to someone she trusted helped her get back to sleep and reduced the chance she'd have another nightmare before morning. It didn't bother Tharja any; she'd just let Robin curl up against her, maybe put an arm over her waist or run her fingers through her hair a few times before falling back asleep. It helped Robin sleep, and it wasn't too much of a hassle for Tharja. If she was honest, she rather enjoyed being needed like Robin seemed to need her. Not that she _wanted_ Robin to be hurting. But it was nice to have someone wanting to cuddle with her.

Henry was only ever close to being affectionate like that when he wanted sex. She'd always been fine with that arrangement before, but now that she had Robin just wanting to be close to her with no sort of sexual pay off whatsoever expected of her... Somehow, she felt it would be hard to go back.

She sighed and ran her fingers through Robin's hair, trailing them down to her neck where she toyed with a small strand at the nape of her neck. She was so cute when she slept it was almost unbearable. She turned back to her novel, lifting her hand away to turn the page when Robin stirred.

“Mm...Tharja?”

She glanced down. “Yeah? What is it?”

“What are we?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like...are we friends?”

“Why would we not be friends?”

“No, like...” She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest as she leaned back against the wall. “Are we just friends? Are we dating? What are we?”

She frowned slightly before sighing and marking her place, setting the book on the bedside table. “What do you want us to be?”

“I don't know...” Robin said quietly. “I've never had a girlfriend before. And Chrom doesn't even really qualify as a boyfriend...”

“I would say we're more than “just friends”,” Tharja said. “But “girlfriends” is pretty subjective.”

“How so?”

“Well, I mean, how do most people define boyfriends and girlfriends? Someone you're dating with marriage as a potential outcome? Is that what we're doing?”

“...I don't want to think about marriage,” Robin muttered. “It scares me. The thought of being completely under a man's control...for the rest of my life...”

“Whoa!” Tharja pulled her against her side. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything like that.”

“Mm...” Robin buried her face into Tharja's side and let her stroke her hair for a few moments. “I know. I'm just so used to thinking of marriage as a woman giving up any autonomy she has for the sake of a piece of paper saying that by religious mores, she can have sex and kids...”

“Yeah...that is stupid,” Tharja murmured. “Kinda makes you wonder why gays want it so much, huh?” She chuckled softly before becoming serious again. “But Robin, I'll never push you to do something you don't want, okay? I promise you that.”

“I know.” Robin closed her eyes for a few minutes before she sighed. “I'm sorry I asked such a difficult question.”

“It's all right. Maybe we don't know what we are right now. That's okay. We have each other and we know we love each other, right?”

“Mhmm.”

“Then that's all that matters now.”

Robin smiled softly and leaned up a little to nuzzle against Tharja's neck. “I'm sorry I interrupted your book,” she mumbled.

“Eh, don't worry about it. It was getting boring anyway,” she replied, waving it off. “You should get some more sleep. We've got that exam tomorrow.”

“Yeah, okay...” She wrapped her arms around Tharja's waist and squeezed gently. “Thanks for always being there for me. I know I'm always constantly being a needy little baby, but I do appreciate you. One day I'll repay you for everything, I promise.”

“It's fine,” Tharja answered. _Besides, I already have to pay you back for loving me from the beginning. You don't owe me anything, my little robin..._


End file.
